Do you give yourself enough appreciation? We live in a world that constantly tells us that it is more important to be approved by others than it is to approve of yourself. It feels good to receive compliments and praise, but it is more important that you are satisfied with your own achievements and the way you are. We all need to learn how to compliment and appreciate ourselves plentifully. It is not dangerous.
You can practice daily giving yourself compliments. Make it a habit to recognize when you make progress in any field, and take the time to praise yourself when you grow as a human being. By believing firmly in yourself and trusting your own judgment, you will find peace even if others can’t express their approval. Your inner voice is far more powerful than anything you receive from the world outside. The exercise “Appreciate Yourself” in Personal e-Coach you can take a closer look at what you can appreciate yourself for.
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January 24th, 2007
How many times have you wished you could have someone else’s talents, or felt jealous of people who show off their talents? When you feel confident in your own abilities, you feel far less threatened by the abilities of others. In fact, their talents can inspire you. You are meant to be different, and you need to learn to embrace your own unique qualities. Difference creates opportunities!
Every individual is unique, and no two people can travel the same road. The choices that are optimal for you may differ from those of others. Base your job and your life on what you’re truly impassioned about or you’ll be just mediocre. Your passion will carry you onward to more meaning and success than you ever dreamed possible. The exercise “Discover who you are” in Personal e-Coach will help you let go of any desire to be other than what you are.
Already a full user? Log on to Personal e-Coach and do the exercise by clicking here. Want to become one? Click here to get access right now!
December 22nd, 2006
Are you your own source of approval? You probably have had the experience of looking for attention and approval from others; most of us have. We live in a world that constantly tells us that it is more important to be approved by others than it is to approve of yourself. The one who receives attention is more important than the one giving it.?But maybe we are starting from the wrong end? Maybe it is more important to give approval than to receive it? And maybe the most important person to approve of is yourself?
Everyone likes compliments; you’re probably no exception. But some people become compliment addicts, utterly dependent upon approval. They believe that praise will give them the self-confidence they lack. The truth is that what you believe and think about yourself is far more important than what other people may think about you. When you start recognizing the moments when you seek approval from others instead of trusting your own judgment, you are taking important steps towards inner peace.
Simply put, there seems to be two ways to lead your life: rely on your inner voice, or depend on the external world and its opinion of you. We all live a combination of the two, but when you tap your emotional intelligence you live from the inside out. If you don’t, you live from the outside in. When you feel empty and lack inner calm and self-confidence, external compliments can raise your spirits. But focusing too much on them decreases your chances of discovering your true inner qualities and having your inner voice direct your life.
In the exercise “Attention and Approval!” in Personal e-Coach you can take a closer look at your own desire for approval from others.
Already a full user? Log on to Personal e-Coach and do the exercise by clicking here. Want to become one? Click here to get access right now!
December 21st, 2006
Do you ever seek other people’s attention by presenting yourself as a victim of some sort? You play this game if you are negative and complain so that people will listen to you. Some make themselves totally dependent on this form of attention.
We have all fallen for the temptation to be negative from time to time. In our culture it is often socially acceptable to criticize people who are not present, and the one who makes himself the biggest victim will get the most attention.
The problem is that the attention you receive from others by being negative comes at a great cost. By using negativity to get attention you are actually feeding your own negativity, which will in turn create more negative results in your life. That’s why it is so important to catch yourself whenever you focus on the negative to get others’ attention. In the exercise “Poor me!” in Personal e-Coach you can discover for yourself if you ever fall into this trap.
Already a full user? Log on to Personal e-Coach and do the exercise by clicking here. Want to become one? Click here to get access right now!
December 20th, 2006
When you have an overflow of emotions, writing out your feelings is an excellent tool. Writing out your feelings is a means of integrating yourself and getting relief by emptying yourself; reducing the strain that negative emotions place on you. It’s also a great way to learn about yourself, because you can often see and understand better from the “outside” when you read what you’ve written.
Writing out your feelings helps you in acknowledging all your feelings towards a person or circumstance, feeling them and integrating them. The next step is to read and analyze what you wrote. This allows a more clear-thinking examination of your situation, and you learn to understand yourself more deeply. By getting the thoughts and feelings “out”, you create opportunities for new interactions that aren’t tainted by old animosity
How do you use this technique? Personal e-Coach contains an exercise called “Tap your emotional intelligence - Write out your feeling” that will help you get started.
Already a full user? Log on to Personal e-Coach and do the exercise by clicking here. Want to become one? Click here to get access right now!
December 14th, 2006
Thank you for visiting our blog! I am glad that you are here, and I hope you will find this addition to Personal e-Coach both helpful and interesting.
There is a growing number of people in the world who are ready to master the art of leading themselves. I am sure that you are reading this page since you have sensed a thirst for inner leadership. You intuitively know that there is a way for you to live your life that is rewarding, exciting and purposeful. And you have realized that it is only when you lead yourself that your life can be the way it is meant to be.
Still, there might be a gap between how you know your life can be and what your day-to-day experience is. Our common challenge is to cross this gap and make this day the best so far. The question is: How can we lead our lives so that enjoyment, connection and great achievements are what describe our days? It is not always easy. And it requires your full participation. You will have to be both the director and the main actor in your life to live it by your own design. Nothing less is worth your time and effort.
It can be comforting to know that other people are facing the same challenges you are facing. You are not alone. Feel free to use this blog to share your insights or questions; your breakthrough is everyone?s gain and your question might be another person?s answer. Let?s make leading ourselves as easy, enjoyable and rewarding as possible.
Please let your voice be heard and post a comment or two on these pages. I would love to hear from you, and so will many others as well.
Be well,
Svein A. Berg
Co-author Personal e-Coach
November 30th, 2006
When you are really honest with yourself, what do you want more than anything else? What is most important? Without doubt, love would be high on your list. Everyone yearns for love. After life’s basic necessities, we want love more than anything else in the world. But what is love? The question has been studied from so many angles that there probably are as many answers as there are people.
The word “love” is often used to imply romantic love, but in Personal e-Coach we are talking about love as an endless, life-giving force within you. The urge and longing for love is undying. Love is always waiting for you to penetrate the layers that try to smother it. You have the capacity to give and receive love, a luxury you can enjoy all your life if you choose to.
You can only achieve peace of mind if you make love your top priority. The love within you never dies, but it can seem to disappear behind the feelings you are not willing to feel and own. Layers of fear and anger will cover our love and paralyze us, changing us into antagonistic individuals. Paranoia, confusion and madness result from not letting go of fear and anger. You achieve peace of mind when you choose love instead of hanging on to negative emotions.
Meeting your feelings, forgiving, and being true to yourself will give life the meaning you crave and a very powerful sense of peace at your deepest core. From the moment you choose to cleanse yourself of negativity and focus on love instead, the rest of your life will fall into place. Making room for love is a continual process, requiring you to confront and own your negativity repeatedly in order to rediscover your love. Love in its truest form is unconditional, and you have the freedom to choose to treat yourself with love and kindness. You deserve to be loved now and forever, just as you are this minute. There are no conditions!
In the exercise “Be true to yourself - Love” in Personal e-Coach you can take a look at how you can make love your top priority.
Already a full user? Log on to Personal e-Coach and do the exercise by clicking here. Want to become one? Click here to get access right now!
November 29th, 2006
Everybody has experienced having problems. But many don’t seem to know that they need to understand and confront their problems to move ahead with their lives. As long as you take responsibility for your problems, they can be blessings in disguise. They’re like surprise packages: when you take off the wrapping and see what’s inside, you?ll learn something new that you can build upon.
It is your responsibility to do something about your own problems. Some people may look at this responsibility as a burden, and instead look for somebody else to solve their problems. Others like to say that there are no problems, only “challenges”. Along the way, people might try to tell you that your problems aren’t real. Of course, we all have problems; it’s foolish to believe otherwise. Pretending a problem doesn’t exist just makes it grow bigger and more destructive. If you ignore the problems and just try to build on the positive, the positive won’t grow, but the problems will.
As a self leader you will benefit greatly by listening to your own feelings and acknowledging when you experience a problem. What you perceive to be a problem, is a problem. Similarly, if your partner feels that he or she has a problem, it is a problem and it needs to be taken seriously. The appropriate response is to ask, “Have you been able to define what the real problem is?“ We’ll have to contend with difficulties as long as we live; that’s what life is about - confronting our problems, defining them and finding solutions. When you learn to enjoy the game of defining, feeling and solving your problems, your problems will move you forward, every time.
In the exercise ?Responsibility - Solve your problems? in Personal e-Coach, you can explore a new perspective on the problems you encounter in your life.
Already a full user? Log on to Personal e-Coach and do the exercise by clicking here. Want to become one? Click here to get access right now!
November 29th, 2006
Though we frequently hear, “use your head,“ “be sensible,“ and “think positively,“ the most important tool you have for changing your life is your feelings. By integrating your negative feelings, the ones with which you least want to associate yourself, you can find the energy to change, break free of your constraints, and create a happy, meaningful life. You simply need to learn how to channel this negativity and convert it into a positive state.
Life might be simpler without emotions, but it would also be dull. Everyone has ups and downs; sometimes we feel positive, other times negative. We’re complicated creatures, carrying a bit of everything in us; no one is either all good or all bad. We embody a broad spectrum of feeling: love and hate, joy and sorrow, enthusiasm and indifference, magnanimity and pettiness, and every emotional state between.
You can help yourself by attaching no judgment to having any particular feeling. It’s not “bad” to have negative feelings - they simply are. You need to remember, however, that negative feelings trigger negative results and influence others in negative ways. But it is a pitfall to deny your negative feelings and pretend they don’t exist. Leading yourself involves feeling all your feelings, the negative as well as the positive.
What feelings do you experience in your life at the moment? Do you experience mostly positive feelings, or do negative feelings dominate? Maybe you are somewhere in the middle? No matter what your answer is, take a look at the lesson “Tap your emotional intelligence - Manage your feelings” in Personal e-Coach!
Already a full user? Log on to Personal e-Coach and do the exercise by clicking here. Want to become one? Click here to get access right now!
November 29th, 2006
It is an art to lead yourself, and practicing this art requires that you take full responsibility for your own life. But how far does this responsibility go? Does it also include your feelings?
We live in a world where we are constantly taught that our feelings are caused by other people and external circumstances. “You make me so angry!” “He made me feel like a jerk!” But believing this is how it works is truly a trap. If your feelings had been a result of external influences, you couldn’t have influenced your life in a constructive, positive way. Why? The control of your own feelings would belong to everything and everybody except yourself.
The truth is that it?s not somebody else that makes you angry. It?s not your co-worker that makes you feel frustrated. They might trigger those feelings, but triggering is not the same as causing. Stop for a moment, and ask yourself if you are willing to acknowledge that your feelings are your own and that they’re entirely your responsibility. Choosing to accept that your feelings are yours alone is one of the most important choices you can make. Once you accept you are responsible for your feelings, positive and negative, your challenge is determining what to do with them.
In the exercise ?Responsibility - Your own emotions? in Personal e-Coach, you will find great gouidance that will assist you in taking full responsibility for your feelings.
Already a full user? Log on to Personal e-Coach and do the exercise by clicking here. Want to become one? Click here to get access right now!
November 29th, 2006
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